Self-Reflection as a Parenting Tool
Self-reflection and parenting?
Parenting in a positive way is demanding and takes a lot of effort. It is more than punishing a behavior in the moment; it’s about trying to understand and teach your child. It’s about being proactive and responsive to the various situations that come up. And, recognizing that, like your child, you will make mistakes.
Because we are not perfect all the time, a great tool to help parents is Self-Reflection.
Take time to listen to your own emotions. Reflect on how the different situations make you feel. Think about how your response to your child may be influenced by your own life experiences.
Self-reflection doesn’t come easy to everyone. Here are some suggestions to help you.
Take time to be by yourself without distractions. Let your mind wander through your day or week and take note of interactions with your child that made you feel good and also the ones that left you with negative thoughts; where you wished you had done better.
We don’t always have enough time in our schedule for these longer sessions. If you notice strong feelings after a particular interaction, you might make a quick voice memo on your phone.
Try a parenting journal. Self-reflection at the end of the day with paper and pen specifically about parenting situations can provide you with helpful information. Let’s say your day started with yet another fight over getting out of the door on time for school. You can break down the steps that your family went through and attach your feelings to them. Try to think about how your child’s actions may have been a reaction to you.
Here are some thoughtful questions that you can ask yourself that might help with this process:
What is the energy of our house right now? Tense? Busy? Slow, bogged down?
Are these interactions with my child recurring? Or something new?
Is there some outside influence that may be affecting my child or me like being overtired or hungry?
What frame of mind was I in before these situations occurred?
And most importantly, what would I like these interactions to look like moving forward?
Parenting isn’t easy. You are given this amazing person to raise but no instruction manual. So, take the time to reflect on how you are feeling and how those feelings affect your reactions. You can only do your best everyday to help guide them, teach them, and keep them safe.
