Coping With Anxiety Stress and Uncertainty in Teens From an Adolescent Psychologist

When I was asked to write this article for Mental Health Awareness Month, I felt a bit ambivalent. So much has been written about the mental health state of children and adolescents today. We have all read about the increase in depression and anxiety among our youth, “In the grips of the pandemic last year, 1 out of every 5 American teens that the CDC spoke with had considered suicide. Forty percent said they felt “persistently sad or hopeless.” In 2020, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide was the second leading cause of death among teens, a 31 percent rise over 2019. A recent Washington Post article by Andrea Atkins wrote about schools allowing students to take a “mental health” break or a day off from school for mental health reasons. This is a way for these districts to communicate to their students that mental health matters as much as physical health. 

 Knowing the grim statistics doesn’t necessarily mean that we are putting in place prevention measures to address stress, anxiety and depression in our homes. Thus, having read the articles and many of the books, I thought I could provide a salve, a suggested approach to coping with uncertainty and unrest. 

Focus on what they can control

In my clinical practice,  I encourage a solution focused approach to the challenges that our kids are facing. What is one thing you could do this week, month or year that might impact this problem? 

For example: For the student who was overwhelmed by the hurricane's devastation in the south this meant collecting blankets and shipping them to a red cross collection center in Florida. This may seem pedantic but assisting your child in generating solutions to their problems and the world’s problems reminds them that most issues are temporary and that they can be part of solutions to their own and the world’s problems. 

Have conversations with our kids about emotions

I encourage us all to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. Ask each person in the family to share their “best and worst” of the week. Talk about activities/actions that can make you feel better. Encourage these positive coping activities in your kids and when your child expresses concern, validate their feelings. This isn’t the same as agreeing with them if their feelings are unfounded, rather it says, “I hear you and believe you feel this way.” You can then work collaboratively to generate coping strategies to mitigate their concerns. 

Find time for play

I encourage you to prioritize game night, movie night, hikes, museum jaunts and unstructured family fun time. I recall as a child being excited at the prospect of growing up, unlike Peter Pan, while students today bemoan adulthood; one patient went so far as to say they wanted to die before they became an adult. When exploring why this was, they reported that their parents feel overwhelmed, overworked and exhausted all the time. To them, adulthood looks awful. We adults have to do better. Charlie Chaplin said, “a day without laughter is a day wasted.” Make it your goal to bring laughter and joy into your home. 

Create peace in your home

I know, easier said than done but our frustration and reactivity often lead to increased mirrored feelings in our children. We should attempt to de-escalate and rather than just focusing on the negative behavior, remind yourself that there are feelings behind it. Explore what is causing them to act out. If necessary, take a time out, before addressing issues. Approach conflict-oriented conversations when both parties are calm.

While the statistics tell us our kids are struggling, they also denote hope. Our children appear less likely to stigmatize those with mental health concerns, they are more open minded and more empathic. All these qualities are likely to lead to a more compassionate and competent adult. By following these recommendations we can capitalize on this challenging moment to provide an opportunity to teach our kids how to manage adversity and uncertainty. Both of which they are sure to face again in their lives.