Full Circle Healing: How Caring for My Mother Helped Me Heal Myself

I’m writing this from my childhood home in a quiet suburb of Chicago. It’s been nearly 30 years since I left, but today I’m back in a very different role—taking care of my mom after her knee replacement surgery. Our days are now filled with rehab appointments, medication reminders, and an endless supply of coffee.

If you followed me on Mommying While Muslim, you know my relationship with my parents has never been simple. Over the years, I’ve shared the complex layers of our dynamic and how, through deep self-work, I’ve tried to stop the cycle of generational trauma from repeating itself in my own home.

I didn’t expect how much more I’d learn about my mother—and myself—by coming back here.

Your Parents Are New to This Too

It’s easy to forget that our parents are also navigating life for the first time. Especially if you’re the eldest, you might assume they always knew what they were doing. But they didn’t. Mine were teenage parents in an interracial relationship during a time when that was far from accepted. They made many mistakes, but I now see how much they loved me in the only ways they knew how.

Through years of healing, I’ve recognized this truth: they did their best with what they had. My scars have faded, and my heart has softened.

Boundaries Aren’t Barriers—They’re Lifelines

Returning to a place filled with emotional history can be triggering. Old habits reemerge. You might feel defensive when a sibling corrects you or find yourself bristling at a familiar parental lecture.

This is your reminder: it’s okay to step away. Go for a walk. Sip some tea alone on the porch. Retreat to your room if you need to. And yes, you have full permission to lovingly remind your parents that you’re a grown adult with decades of experience raising your own family.

Boundaries don’t diminish love—they protect it.

The Power of Revisiting the Past

Diving into childhood memories can feel risky, especially if trauma is involved. But there’s power in revisiting those stories—particularly with those who shared them. When you open up, you may find your family remembers things differently. Those conversations can offer clarity, surprise, and even healing.

You might discover new versions of old stories and, in doing so, uncover new understandings of each other—and of yourself.

A Moment I Never Imagined

If you had told me years ago that I’d be sitting on my parents’ couch, chai in hand, feet propped up, watching my mom nap with a cat in her lap and the TV blaring in the background—I wouldn’t have believed you.

But now, I see her as my mother and as the teenage girl she once was. I imagine her watching me sleep as I watch over my children. That moment—mundane yet profound—symbolizes how far we’ve come.

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. But sometimes, it comes full circle.

Let’s Heal Together

If this story resonates with you—if you’re navigating generational trauma, caregiving, or your transformation—you’re not alone. Emerge Consulting Solutions offers workshops, retreats, and community support for women walking this path.

👉 Ready to begin your own healing journey?
Join our mailing list or explore our upcoming offerings at emergeconsulting.solutions. Let’s heal—and thrive—together.

XOXO Until Next Time,

Zaiba